Chad, Jessica, Jet and Aijiahlyn

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Being a mom

This whole, being a mom stuff, really throws me for a loop sometimes.

I love being a mom. Honestly, it is awesome. But, sometimes I feel like a big dork for just staying at home with my child all day. Is that really what I do? I feel dorky, because on some days, I don’t even have anything to do, but I have to do SOMETHING so I can keep my sanity. So, I just go to a store because I have a coupon for something free and I need to kill some time. Kill time? That’s embarrassing to me. Life shouldn’t be about killing time….but there are times when you just can’t stay at home anymore, and what can you do with a 1 ½ year old?. I feel like a bad mormon mom. Do other moms feel this way?

I love staying home with my son. But, sometimes I wish I could have it all. I just want a little career. I just want to be a part-time lit. professor, or be a writer, or something on the side that makes me feel a little more significant in the world, so that I feel like I’m contributing to more people than just my little family. But then I know that I would be more stressed and tired, and I would feel guilty for not being there all the time.

My life feels so silly at times. But, maybe I should relish the silliness. What I do is IMPORTANT, even if I don’t feel like I make much of a difference. My wonderful little boy is loved every day. He laughs all the time, he’s happy, he’s healthy, and he’s safe. He’s quite the perfect little guy… he’s actually one of my best friends.

So maybe, instead of feeling like a dork when I go out to just “kill time” and do something totally frivolous to get a break, I can just enjoy it, and just be happy that I have the time to do fun, insignificant things with my little boy; like, letting him run loose at Oakway Mall’s courtyard, and seeing him love every minute of it. That’s how these photos came to be after all.