Chad, Jessica, Jet and Aijiahlyn

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Being a mom

This whole, being a mom stuff, really throws me for a loop sometimes.

I love being a mom. Honestly, it is awesome. But, sometimes I feel like a big dork for just staying at home with my child all day. Is that really what I do? I feel dorky, because on some days, I don’t even have anything to do, but I have to do SOMETHING so I can keep my sanity. So, I just go to a store because I have a coupon for something free and I need to kill some time. Kill time? That’s embarrassing to me. Life shouldn’t be about killing time….but there are times when you just can’t stay at home anymore, and what can you do with a 1 ½ year old?. I feel like a bad mormon mom. Do other moms feel this way?

I love staying home with my son. But, sometimes I wish I could have it all. I just want a little career. I just want to be a part-time lit. professor, or be a writer, or something on the side that makes me feel a little more significant in the world, so that I feel like I’m contributing to more people than just my little family. But then I know that I would be more stressed and tired, and I would feel guilty for not being there all the time.

My life feels so silly at times. But, maybe I should relish the silliness. What I do is IMPORTANT, even if I don’t feel like I make much of a difference. My wonderful little boy is loved every day. He laughs all the time, he’s happy, he’s healthy, and he’s safe. He’s quite the perfect little guy… he’s actually one of my best friends.

So maybe, instead of feeling like a dork when I go out to just “kill time” and do something totally frivolous to get a break, I can just enjoy it, and just be happy that I have the time to do fun, insignificant things with my little boy; like, letting him run loose at Oakway Mall’s courtyard, and seeing him love every minute of it. That’s how these photos came to be after all.


Jenni said...

He walks?! Holy smokes that was fast it seems hahaha! He is SO SO SO SO CUTE so you are OBVIOUSLY doing something right Girlfriend!!


Jessica, I am so sorry you are feeling like a lousy mormon mom. Right now, I do not work and I am not pursuing a career. I am a stay at home wife. Try saying that one to people ;) I am nto a mother, so i do not know how it feels, so I don't want to preach something I don't know. But- it seems like most people feel the way you do. I think some people love staying at home, but tehn the rest of the world goes a little crazy! I assume that's why they have mommy groups- so they can get out- and socialize with adults. When you have more kids your time will be taken up faster, and when they're older, you will be involved with their school things. Just this week I went to a play for one of the Laurel's I teach, and her mom had done all teh costumes, and in the program it said- "special thanks to Tammi Brocamp" (the mom. And I specifically remember thinking, "it's so nice that she doesn't work, it's mom's that don't work that can help out with all these community events that need good volunteers!" I imagine you to be that way- you will get really involved. You will accompany for plays or for individual acts (like our broadway thing) you will make costumes, or paint scenery. I imagine you to teach seminary some day. Right now it feels like there is not much point in life, but I really feel that eventually you will feel like you contribute so much to the world, and you will long for these days when you could just take a break. You should start something. Start a book club, host it, be in charge of it. I just recieved an invitation to something like a bookclub- butinstead of books- it was arts appreciation. And it was just a group of girls our age that brought a peice of art and had to discuss it. And each time there was a theme- so this last time it was music. So each person had to bring a song and discuss more than just the meaning of the song, but the rhythym, instruments used ect. I think you'd be really good at that- hosting somethign like that and coming up with all the ideas. And you're such a good cook, you could make a fun snack. You are a fun, beautiful creative person. You are sweet. Plenty of people woudl want to be your friend, so be brave and start something so your life feels more meaningful. I'm not saying this because I'm good at it, I'm saying it because these are things I've pondered on too, and these are some ideas I have. And I know it's not good to say "life will be better when...." but i truly feel that when you have mroe kids, and more activities to be involved in- you will feel so fufilled and needed and appreciated for your knowledge and talents. love you love you love you. If you don't mind driving to keizer, I'd LOVE to have you visit! You cuold come in the morning and we coudl spend the whole day together. love you-

Carina & Dan said...

I would LOVE to be able to be a completely stay at home mom. I have to be patient but I hope someday I really can. Right now I work part time & it's fine, just not my dream. When I lost my job & was home for a few months it really was so wonderful, I prayed I wouldn't get another job. There are tons of mommy groups out there, for you, but also for the socializing skills of little Jet. I like to draw, read, work on little projects, improve my skills. But mostly I just love doing things with Juliet. As you said, it makes even the smallest activities more fun. Their little wonder & growth & learning are so wonderful to watch & experience. Go to the park, the store, anything is more fun with a little person (provided said little person is well rested and not throwing a tantrum in public ah!)
I think alot of mom's do hanker for a career of some kind but I cannot relate I'm afraid as all I have ever wanted is to be a homemaker.
I'd say enjoy the silly times right now because I'm sure you'll look back on them fondly. And if you are ok with it, there probably isn't any harm in getting some kind of part time something to make you feel more fulfilled and make you appreciate the time you do have with your little one. That is one blessing I have noticed because of my working alittle. I really really appreciate my time with Juliet so much more. I never feel bored to be home with her.
Jet is getting so big & cute!

Lindsay Marchant said...

Jess- You are a great mom! Jet loves you! He really is such a great little guy. You have a whole life to work, but only a few short years until he is in school and then gone! You may think it is boring now (I am too...many is NOT just you), but enjoy the boring! Even though it doesn't always seem fulfilling, it has more substance than a job. In 5 or so years, you could find something. could be a writer from home! I think you are a great writer. You should start a novel or something between naps :). Just remember that you will NEVER regret staying home with Jet, but you may regret working and being away from him.


I read a quote just now, and though it does not directly address this issue, it really made me think of you- so I thought I woudl share it: It is from President David O Mckay "The home is the first and most effective place forchildren to learn the lessons of life: truth, honor, virtue, self control; the value of education, honest work, and the purpose and privilege of life. Nothing can take the place of home in rearing and teaching children, and no other success can compensate for failure in the home". I just thought of you when it said "no other success can compensate ...." You are so talented, so smart, so intelligent, and creative. You have so much to offer the world. But Pres. McKay says that no other success (like all the wonderful things you woudl be so good at in teh career world) can compensate for any failure in the home. And apparently, the most important place to teach is in the home. Not in the world. Though you would be so good at it. You will raise such wonderful children because of who you are and what you are. You are such a wonderful good person. love you.

Karen K. said...

Just enjoy it. Enjoy it. Enjoy it. I think you just must be really organized because I would love to have time to kill (I am NOT in the least bit organized). You are a GREAT mom.


ah!!!!!! I would love to hang out! yay! You shoudl come this next monday! unless that's too soon? Actually- there is this cool place that i want to go to- but it's a little creepy! ha. It's totally safe- it's just that- it's this HUGE building full of junk, and furniture, and this old creepy guy runs it, and he smokes, and everything is so dark! ha. So- I went by myself and seriously wondered if hwas gonna jump me and rape me- But I know it's safe. I wanted to spend so much more time tehre digging around- but I couldn't cause I was so nervous the whole time!!!!! If we went together we coudl really dig around and look at alot of stuff! We could sew- I have my doll quilt I'm making-I could work on that if you wanted to work on something of yours. You'd have to drag your machine over though since I'd be using mine. Or we could just do the shopping and come back to my place and talk. I coud make that yummy pecan apple salad for us if you get here by lunch time. Let me know! what's you're email? and I love you too!

*Stephanie Lance* said...

What? I'm sure you are the BOMBEST (is that word? It is now :)) Mom ever! That baby is too stinkin CUTE for words!!!! I can't believe how big he is getting!! I can't wait to be a mom! I hope i'm as cool as you!! :)