Monday, April 19, 2010
So....I'm interested in your views on the word, frickin/friggin/fricking...etc.
Does it really bother you? Why?
Do you think it's not a big deal? Why?
I'm really curious to hear what people have to say. No judgin' from me, I'm just wondering what the current views are out there. Please let me know. It will be fun!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Chad got me this plant for Valentine’s Day 2009….maybe 2008….eeek. Anywho….the leaves are shaped like hearts, and it had 2 red flowers on it at the time. In the past, I had told him to never buy me flowers unless they still had roots and were potted. I just feel bad buying flowers that die 1 ½ weeks later…..well….unless they’re peonies…..too cute to resist.
Not long after he gifted me with our first plant, it became our love fern. And not long after that, the flowers died. Uh-oh. How seriously am I supposed to take this “love fern” as being a symbol of our love? Then the stems and leaves started growing down, and in opposite directions. So, there were basically about 10 stems with 1 leaf per stem, and they were all coming out of the center, almost horizontally like spokes on a bike. UGLY. Chad accused me of neglecting it….which WAS NOT the case. But, for some reason, it was morphing itself into really extreme modern art…..you know….the kind of art that’s so weird and creepy, you want to look away, but yet still stare in a state of boggle-ment/boggledness, and then snigger, and then laugh REALLY hard when you get home? Like that sculpture in “The Break-up” of that little man with a faucet/spigot for a winky. It was THAT ugly. It was the ugliest, living plant I’d ever seen.
Well….this winter, it started growing new leaves….and they were growing toward the ceiling, and not the wall. It has grown more than 10 new leaves this winter. And…..AND…….a flower is growing. A bright, red, cheery flower. And, the plant is pretty. It has filled-out. It’s balanced.
But….this “love fern” has not mirrored our marriage whatsoever. According to this fern, last year, Chad must have beat me to an ugly “tripped-down-the-stairs-too-many-times” type of woman, and I must have locked myself in the bathroom whenever he came home raging drunk. Though, I do admit, I did lock myself in our bedroom a few weeks ago, when Chad was high on sugar and he was talking about testing his new ultimate-fighting skills (that he’d learned on youtube) on me, and was also getting mad at me for not testing our dogs’ electric collar on myself after he had. Apparently, that makes me a woose….but I didn’t give in. I did let him in the door when he promised to not even pretend to hurt me. For a minute, I was honestly scared….though I know he would NEVER do ANYTHING EVER to hurt me.
So…. The notion that ”love ferns” are a symbol of your relationship, is mondo crud.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Look at that cute doggie! He really is cute….the little troublemaker. We got, Trigger, in October, to keep Dakota company. They are great pals, keep each other busy, and he’s a very friendly dog. But, he has issues. EXTREME issues.
I have recently come to question my disbelief in reincarnation, because this lil guy is Houdini incarnate!
Context: He gets severe separation anxiety when we leave, causing him to chew on everything valuable that we own. So, after giving him WAY too many chances to be a good doggie while we’re away, we decide that he’ll have to stay in the kennel when we leave if we want to keep any of our belongings.
Large, metal frame kennel. We come home, Trigger is not in the kennel because he bent the metal bars with his teeth, and escaped out of a TINY opening.
Large, metal frame kennel with the THICKEST metal bars available. The employees at the pet store had definite faith that this kennel would hold him, but we asked that we be able to return it if he got out. After the 3rd time he was left in this kennel, he was able to bend the metal enough to get out, tearing the carpet, and chewing a bedspread along with it. I yelled when I got home, angry at Trigger’s very existence! The kennel was returned.
Idea: Leave Trigger outside when we leave, even though it’s cold. He digs a hole under the fence, and gets to the neighbor’s yard, from where he can escape into the neighborhood. They call the cops on us because our dog is in their yard. Are you kidding me? We have different dogs come into our yard every other day. But….water off the back….water off the back.
Idea: Leave Trigger in the garage while we leave. After a few successful tries, we’re very happy. ‘Course, all the recycling that was in the garage is chewed and scattered all over the place, but that’s better than our furniture.
But, Trigger discovers how to open the garage door. Seriously….he figured out the button. Fiend! The first time we came home and the garage door was open, we thought it was a fluke…but then it happened 2 more consecutive times.
We built a box around the garage door button, so only WE could reach the button. We have left Trigger 3 times since, and he has not opened the garage. But, he did get into Chad’s Argentina souvenirs from his mission, and chewed them up. Chad says, “Darn….I’ll just have to go to Argentina again to get more souvenirs.” Ugh! This psychotic dog does not entitle you to take a $2000 trip, CHADLY! Otherwise, every time I came home I could say, uh-oh, there goes our couch, better buy a new one…..uh-oh, there go my shoes, better go the Nike Store. Illogical dorkus! Dakota, actually did chew a hole in my running shoes 2 years ago….but I kept wearing them anyway…flustered every time I felt a rock in them, and hoped no one would ever notice my toe sticking out.
So, now that Trigger can escape our yard (we have a laughable fence…but, Dakota still stays in the yard)…we can’t leave him outside unless he’s on a tie-out. SUPER DUPER HASSLE.
So….after a while, he breaks his collar, and escapes…..and goes for a LONG prance around the neighborhood.
Then, we put him in Dakota’s old harness. After a few successful tries…..I look in the backyard…..and he’s gone, but the harness is still attached to the tie-out. WHAT??? We still don’t know how he got out of the harness. It’s completely in tact. He did it twice, and then we got a new collar.
If you ever come hang out at our pad, please do not laugh at out living room furniture. Everything has been chewed besides the piano and the metal lamps. Our couch has about 15 holes in it.
Chad: We can patch it. I think it would look cool, all rustic.
Jess: I seriously can’t stand hand sewing, and you have NO IDEA how long it will take. It will take ages! If you sewed, you would understand.
Chad: I’ll help you.
Jess: You’re the one that LOVES the dogs so much, how about you patch it yourself? I’ll teach you.
Chad: No. I think it would be fun to do together.
Jess: (Knowing he’s full of it, rolls her eyes and leaves. He’s really saying, “There is no way I’m doing all that by myself.”)
The holes are currently patched with clear packaging tape. I feel so white trash. Especially when you move on the couch, and the tape makes all these loud, crinkly noises. “Hey, could you rewind that part? I had to move cuz my foot was asleep, and I couldn’t hear over the crinkly tape!” GHETTO.
Just FYI, Trigger only chews when we leave him in the house, alone. So....the couch has been the same for the past 6 months.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
A pile of junk
1 of out every 10 houses is required to have a pile of junk on the side of the house. I think it’s a law or something. Our neighbor’s have enough junk for the entire north side of town. We’re talking, probably 20 junked cars. And I just discovered they have a BIG PIG in the back of their yard too…literally….I felt really bad for the guy.
When I arrived here, I noticed this fun little park off one of the main roads. I thought, “ooh, I wish Nicole were here so we could take a picture on the carriage!” Well, it turns out that it’s not a park, but it’s someone’s front yard. Yes, someone put a mannequin inside an outhouse in their front yard. And I thought the half-naked “Aphrodite” statue in my parents’ neighbor’s front yard was curious.
The Bargin Buzz!
See that sign that says, “Bargin Buzz”? I’m all for thrift stores….seriously, they’re my favorite place to shop. But, was this spelling error done on purpose? If yes, why? It certainly isn’t catchy. Is it so people could sound it out? Well, after living here 6 months, I decided to go inside. Tobacco odor attacked my nostrils upon entering. EEEWWWW….how could I ever buy an article of clothing here? It would stink up my whole car just on the ride home. Well, it turns out, the “Bargin Buzz” also houses a “Tobacco Room” where they sell tobacco, pipes, and movies…but you must be 18 or older to enter said, “Tobacco Room.” Oh my gosh...bargin BUZZ…….…….gross…..I feel even dirtier. And they sell “movies”? in the “tobacco room”? I feel violated. LEAVING!
I must give these peeps props for creativity. I mean, a fence/lawn border of whirlygigs? I never would have thought of that. The picture doesn’t do it justice. There is literally a spinning lawn ornament every few feet, enclosing their lawn. After doing a little more research, I learned that there must be some type of competition for “BEST EXTREME LAWN ORNAMENTATION” because there is another house with many, MANY whirlygigs randomly scattered in their yard….or many houses have huge ornamental windmills….I found 4 on 1 street….and ornamental wells are VERY popular. Apparently, they’re the “it” item round these parts, which just totally works for LaPine.
The most POPULAR RESTAURANT in town (no photo)
Chad and I wanted to try a restaurant in LaPine, instead of Bend. So, we chose the busiest one, thinking it would have the best food. Well, the best restaurant food in LaPine is corn with a freezer-burn aftertaste, mashed potatoes from a box, and de-thawed steak (which was cooked medium-rare, but looked medium-well because of the overall gray tone), Our server proudly stated that the beef vegetable soup was actually home-made, and then told us that the clam-chowder was from a can. This was our anniversary dinner. But, the décor definitely made up for the food. Miniature semi-trucks were displayed on shelves, and airbrushed pictures of unicorns and kittens randomly adorned the walls. I AM NOT JOKING!!!! Chad and I picked out the ugliest paintings we could find, and laughed our heads off. And yet, I still felt too guilty to klepto a few packets of Smuckers jam and Splenda.