Chad, Jessica, Jet and Aijiahlyn

Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Escape Artist

Look at that cute doggie! He really is cute….the little troublemaker. We got, Trigger, in October, to keep Dakota company. They are great pals, keep each other busy, and he’s a very friendly dog. But, he has issues. EXTREME issues.

I have recently come to question my disbelief in reincarnation, because this lil guy is Houdini incarnate!

Context: He gets severe separation anxiety when we leave, causing him to chew on everything valuable that we own. So, after giving him WAY too many chances to be a good doggie while we’re away, we decide that he’ll have to stay in the kennel when we leave if we want to keep any of our belongings.

Escape #1

Large, metal frame kennel. We come home, Trigger is not in the kennel because he bent the metal bars with his teeth, and escaped out of a TINY opening.

Escape #2

Large, metal frame kennel with the THICKEST metal bars available. The employees at the pet store had definite faith that this kennel would hold him, but we asked that we be able to return it if he got out. After the 3rd time he was left in this kennel, he was able to bend the metal enough to get out, tearing the carpet, and chewing a bedspread along with it. I yelled when I got home, angry at Trigger’s very existence! The kennel was returned.

Escape #3

Idea: Leave Trigger outside when we leave, even though it’s cold. He digs a hole under the fence, and gets to the neighbor’s yard, from where he can escape into the neighborhood. They call the cops on us because our dog is in their yard. Are you kidding me? We have different dogs come into our yard every other day. But….water off the back….water off the back.

Escape #4

Idea: Leave Trigger in the garage while we leave. After a few successful tries, we’re very happy. ‘Course, all the recycling that was in the garage is chewed and scattered all over the place, but that’s better than our furniture.

But, Trigger discovers how to open the garage door. Seriously….he figured out the button. Fiend! The first time we came home and the garage door was open, we thought it was a fluke…but then it happened 2 more consecutive times.


We built a box around the garage door button, so only WE could reach the button. We have left Trigger 3 times since, and he has not opened the garage. But, he did get into Chad’s Argentina souvenirs from his mission, and chewed them up. Chad says, “Darn….I’ll just have to go to Argentina again to get more souvenirs.” Ugh! This psychotic dog does not entitle you to take a $2000 trip, CHADLY! Otherwise, every time I came home I could say, uh-oh, there goes our couch, better buy a new one…..uh-oh, there go my shoes, better go the Nike Store. Illogical dorkus! Dakota, actually did chew a hole in my running shoes 2 years ago….but I kept wearing them anyway…flustered every time I felt a rock in them, and hoped no one would ever notice my toe sticking out.

So, now that Trigger can escape our yard (we have a laughable fence…but, Dakota still stays in the yard)…we can’t leave him outside unless he’s on a tie-out. SUPER DUPER HASSLE.

Escape #5

So….after a while, he breaks his collar, and escapes…..and goes for a LONG prance around the neighborhood.

Escape #6

Then, we put him in Dakota’s old harness. After a few successful tries…..I look in the backyard…..and he’s gone, but the harness is still attached to the tie-out. WHAT??? We still don’t know how he got out of the harness. It’s completely in tact. He did it twice, and then we got a new collar.

If you ever come hang out at our pad, please do not laugh at out living room furniture. Everything has been chewed besides the piano and the metal lamps. Our couch has about 15 holes in it.

Chad: We can patch it. I think it would look cool, all rustic.

Jess: I seriously can’t stand hand sewing, and you have NO IDEA how long it will take. It will take ages! If you sewed, you would understand.

Chad: I’ll help you.

Jess: You’re the one that LOVES the dogs so much, how about you patch it yourself? I’ll teach you.

Chad: No. I think it would be fun to do together.

Jess: (Knowing he’s full of it, rolls her eyes and leaves. He’s really saying, “There is no way I’m doing all that by myself.”)

The holes are currently patched with clear packaging tape. I feel so white trash. Especially when you move on the couch, and the tape makes all these loud, crinkly noises. “Hey, could you rewind that part? I had to move cuz my foot was asleep, and I couldn’t hear over the crinkly tape!” GHETTO.

Just FYI, Trigger only chews when we leave him in the house, alone. So....the couch has been the same for the past 6 months.


Matt and Christy said...

Wow. Your dog sounds just like our Kaiya. We actually have to drug her around the 4th of July because she would literally hang herself out of sheer terror. After trying everything in the book to keep her from chewing on the house and running away, we have to tie her up to a zip line that runs across our backyard. She likes to be outside, and she really enjoys having the security of being tied up. She is so calm while she is tied up, and she will even hover in that area when she is not tied up! I love her, though!

Karen K. said...

Your writing is so funny! I'm sorry about the anxiety-ridden dog though. I immediately looked up Cesar's (dog Whisperer) advice... ya have to pay for it. So sorry, I have no answers. (Maybe if I actually read his book...which I've had for a couple of years now!) Having a pain-in-the-buns dog is no fun. We lock ours up on our deck during the day because if we don't she hides just next to the fence and barks in this high, wooosie dog voice at unaware passers-by. It is my fear we will get sued for by a potential heart attack victim, ;) thus she is in dog jail all day long. Good luck!

Karen K. said...

I really ought to preview my comments before publishing them. Omit "just" next and sued "for." What was I thinking???