Chad got me this plant for Valentine’s Day 2009….maybe 2008….eeek. Anywho….the leaves are shaped like hearts, and it had 2 red flowers on it at the time. In the past, I had told him to never buy me flowers unless they still had roots and were potted. I just feel bad buying flowers that die 1 ½ weeks later…..well….unless they’re peonies…..too cute to resist.
Not long after he gifted me with our first plant, it became our love fern. And not long after that, the flowers died. Uh-oh. How seriously am I supposed to take this “love fern” as being a symbol of our love? Then the stems and leaves started growing down, and in opposite directions. So, there were basically about 10 stems with 1 leaf per stem, and they were all coming out of the center, almost horizontally like spokes on a bike. UGLY. Chad accused me of neglecting it….which WAS NOT the case. But, for some reason, it was morphing itself into really extreme modern art…..you know….the kind of art that’s so weird and creepy, you want to look away, but yet still stare in a state of boggle-ment/boggledness, and then snigger, and then laugh REALLY hard when you get home? Like that sculpture in “The Break-up” of that little man with a faucet/spigot for a winky. It was THAT ugly. It was the ugliest, living plant I’d ever seen.
Well….this winter, it started growing new leaves….and they were growing toward the ceiling, and not the wall. It has grown more than 10 new leaves this winter. And…..AND…….a flower is growing. A bright, red, cheery flower. And, the plant is pretty. It has filled-out. It’s balanced.
But….this “love fern” has not mirrored our marriage whatsoever. According to this fern, last year, Chad must have beat me to an ugly “tripped-down-the-stairs-too-many-times” type of woman, and I must have locked myself in the bathroom whenever he came home raging drunk. Though, I do admit, I did lock myself in our bedroom a few weeks ago, when Chad was high on sugar and he was talking about testing his new ultimate-fighting skills (that he’d learned on youtube) on me, and was also getting mad at me for not testing our dogs’ electric collar on myself after he had. Apparently, that makes me a woose….but I didn’t give in. I did let him in the door when he promised to not even pretend to hurt me. For a minute, I was honestly scared….though I know he would NEVER do ANYTHING EVER to hurt me.
So…. The notion that ”love ferns” are a symbol of your relationship, is mondo crud.
3 comments:
Haha! I can totally see Chad "begging" to try out his fighting moves on you. I am laughing out loud because I can just see it...and he is totally straight-faced and serious right? hahaha.
I am so glad you didn't let him try his fighting moves on you, and I'm so glad you didn't give in and touch the electric collar- you are not a wuss for not wanting to do those things- why would anyone want to touch an electric collar?! Don't feel like a wuss for not touching it! I don' tknow if I could ever have a real plant, I think I would kill it....love you!
Your latest posts have me laughing so hard. You are so funny. I am sorry about your crazy dog. I think you need to build a crate made out of big solid peices of wood ;) Good Luck with that!
I can not believe the kind of 'charm' La Pine has. That is pretty funny! It is sad that the best place to eat serves you canned food! Sad!
Also- I do recall Chad being quite the same back in the day. He was always trying to torture us! I am trying to remember specifics, but none are coming to my memory. I do remember him locking up out of the house often though!
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