After 5 years of secrecy, Chad admitted something terrible to me.
Chad: Your pink robe is the ugliest thing you could possibly wear.
Jessica: What? Since when do you think that?
Chad: I’ve always thought that, I just never said anything.
Jessica: What?!!! I wear that thing ALL the time, how could you not tell me?
I was shocked. Why didn’t he ever say anything? I always put the pink robe on after I get out of bed.
He normally has no problem telling me his opinion, and we are always 100% honest with each other…well 95%. For example, I want him to tell me if he doesn’t like my shirt, or that I have a bugger in my nose. It doesn’t hurt my feelings; I want to know. (Exceptions are allowed during pregnancy….please lie your bum off and tell me how great I look)
‘Course, last month was a bit over the line. While we were playing Scattergories with the family he tells me I have a big zit on my face. “Wow, you have a big one comin’ there,” he says pointing at my cheek. Jess: “Oh yeah, like I didn’t notice. Thanks for pointing it out to everyone.” So then everyone has to be nice and pretend they never saw it. But who misses a volcano? Yeah, NOoooooooo one.
I later told him that if I perchance to have a landmark on my face, that I am already well aware of it, and he doesn’t have to inform me of its omnipresence. I KNOW IT’S THERE. I KNOW that YOU know it’s there. Let’s just pretend that zits are cool, okay?
Anyway, back to the robe.
Chad then elaborates on how awful the robe is, explaining that it looks like matted pink dog hair, and that I shouldn’t even give it to Goodwill because no one else should ever have to own the thing.
Sniffle. But……my robe!
So, I’ve taken to wearing PJ bottoms and a sweatshirt in the morning, and I try to only wear the robe when he’s not home. It’s so warm and soft. I know it's not the most flattering thing, but it's not as if I need to wear something glam to go with my raccoon-mascara morning face.
Wait a second. I just remembered that Chad has always wanted me to sew him footie pajamas with a bum flap. If he can wear that, I can wear the robe. I just need to figure out a pattern for the darn thing.